i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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