I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
