is your mom at the bar?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's blow job season.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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