He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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