I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
