my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I supernannyed him into submission
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
