Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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