I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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