What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
