He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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