Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
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It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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