dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
