How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
