hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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