oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
