So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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