Got a toothbrush?
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
