i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize