I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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