I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
