I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
