my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize