I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
