there's paper in my vomit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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