you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
