I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
