if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
