when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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