you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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