Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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