I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
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Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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