Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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