It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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