Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
