Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
