I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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