She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
