"it" just moved
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
