After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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