I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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