summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
