I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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