Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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