The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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