things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
