omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Pants are for mortals
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
