My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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