cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
