he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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