she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
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It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I forget how to act sober
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