you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
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Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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