I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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