Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
