Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
