Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
