and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the knife in your bed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize