Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
