You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
