i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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