I think I won the penis lottery.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
