The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
