I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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