I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
