I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
