We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
