What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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