Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
