My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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