Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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