I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
